Subtitle for this post: Tracy Beating Herself Up Then Learning a Lesson
Hello, friends! I can't believe it's Sunday already! As fast as the weekend comes, it goes that much faster! =P
As you may remember, I hit goal two weeks ago. I actually came four pounds below that number. I was on top of the world, but I admit I kind of felt a feeling of relief too.
Little did I know that major frustration would set in soon after.
In two weeks, I gained three pounds.
I saw a gain of two last week. I just shook it off as hormones (TTOM was about a week and a half ago), and thought I would be back to that awesome number this week.
Nope. In fact, I saw another pound come back. At this point, I wanted to cry. In fact, I admit that I have for the better chunk of the last day and a half. I also felt so angry for letting this happen.
So, now I'm two weeks past hitting goal, and I'm only down 101 pounds. Don't get me wrong, that's still an awesome number, and I still feel amazing, but there was just something...magical (I guess?) about saying I lost 104. Now, I just don't feel like as much of a rockstar. I feel...empty and lost.
Honestly, I should have seen this coming, since I lost so much so fast (six in two weeks, nine in a month), but honestly, I feel like an epic failure. I hit a number two weeks ago and I couldn't even maintain it for that long. Yeah, I guess I'm a loser for that too.
Yes, I know I sound so crazy and ridiculous for making a loss of 101 pounds seem like it's nothing, but I am human, and do let a number on the scale mess with my head. No matter what anyone says, I still let that number mess with my head every so often.
I've been in a funk since yesterday morning, and have cried more than I would like to admit I did. However, I still remind myself (as do others) that I am still pretty amazing.
I must be pretty amazing, because otherwise, would I have done this yesterday?
Nope! In fact, if I wasn't in as good of shape as I am, I wouldn't have the stamina for this! I burned 1023 calories in about two and a half hours. I felt strong and amazing!
Honestly, at the end of the day, that strong and amazing feeling is worth so much more than a measly three pounds, right? Now that I think about it, it is!
Besides, my size 8 skinny jeans from Old Navy still fit. That alone makes me feel pretty great. ;-)
I know that in time, my body will work itself out and I will eventually find a number that is realistic to maintain. Maybe I will get back to the 142. Maybe I'll stay at 145. Maybe it'll be something in between. My body knows best, and fighting it will just make me crazy, like it has for the last two days. Not worth it. It just makes me miserable to be around.
I admit that life at 145 isn't different at all from life at 142. I still feel just as confident in my own skin and am proud of how far I've come.
I realize that maintenance will be hard, and there will be times that I get frustrated, but the goal is to work through it and find what works for me in the long run. Besides, if this was easy, they would call it something else, right?